Week 45: When You’re Tired of Being Resilient

I’ll be honest — I almost didn’t write this week’s post.

Not because I didn’t have anything to say, but because I’m tired. Not just a little sleepy-tired. I mean that heavy, full-body, deep-sigh kind of tired. The kind that doesn’t go away with sleep or coffee. The kind that comes from having to keep it together again and again — at work, in relationships, in this world that keeps asking for more.

And based on conversations I’ve been having lately — with clients, colleagues, friends — I know I’m not the only one feeling it. People keep saying things like:

“I’m doing all the right things, but I still feel worn out.”
“I keep trying to be strong, but I think I’ve hit my limit.”
“Why does just getting through the day feel like a marathon?”

So this post is for all of us who are doing our best — and feeling like it’s not enough.
For the ones who keep showing up even when they’re running on empty.
For anyone who’s tired of being told to “just be resilient.”

Why we’re feeling this way

It’s not just one thing. It’s everything.

The news, the group chats, the personal stress, the quiet griefs, the too-full calendars, the things we still haven’t processed — it all stacks up. Even the moments of joy sometimes feel heavy, because we’re carrying them alongside fear, loss, or uncertainty.

Resilience is a good thing. But when we’re asked to be resilient constantly, it can feel like we’re just surviving. And honestly? That’s exhausting.

What to try when you hit that wall

I’m not going to tell you to overhaul your life. You probably don’t have the energy for that. I sure don’t.

So here are a few smaller, more doable things I’ve been recommending — and actually trying myself:

• Redefine what “doing well” means.
  Some days, “doing well” means staying focused and crushing your to-do list. Other days? It might mean putting on real pants and responding to one email. Let that be enough.

• Let something go (on purpose).
  Is there something you’re holding onto that you can just not do this week? A text you don’t need to respond to yet? A meeting that could be moved? Give yourself permission to lighten the load.

• Ask yourself what you really need.
  Sometimes I find myself mindlessly scrolling, and when I pause and check in, I realize I don’t actually want distraction — I want connection. Or quiet. Or a snack. Just that little moment of awareness can shift everything.

• Borrow strength when you need it.
  Call the person who reminds you of who you are. Listen to the podcast that makes you laugh or cry in a good way. We don’t always have to generate resilience on our own. Sometimes we can borrow it from the people and things that help us feel more human.

A mantra to carry

“I can be struggling and still be strong.”

Not one or the other. Both. If you read last week’s post, you’ll remember we explored resilience as the practice of living in the both/and — the ability to hold conflicting truths at the same time without canceling either out.

You can be grateful and overwhelmed. You can be productive and burnt out. You can be holding things together and still need someone to hold space for you. That doesn’t make you weak — it makes you real.

Finally…

I know it can sometimes feel like everyone else is coping better — like they’ve cracked a code you somehow missed. But most of the time, the people who look steady on the outside are carrying their own quiet struggles. You are not alone in what you’re feeling, even if it’s rarely spoken out loud.

If all you managed this week was to keep going — even with a tired heart or an overwhelmed mind — that’s worth honoring. You’re allowed to feel what you feel, to rest when you need to, and to let go of the idea that you have to do it all.

We often mistake resilience for relentless pushing. But true resilience is gentler — it’s knowing when to keep going and when to pause, when to hold on and when to release.

If you’re feeling stretched thin right now, it doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’re human, responding to the weight of it all as best you can. And sometimes the bravest thing you can do is slow down, check in with yourself, and remember you don’t have to carry it all.

Breathe. Soften. Take the next small step — and let that be enough for today. You’re doing better than you think.